Since I was 20, I have planned many parts of my life and I have accomplished so many of them, but my life has taken turns I never expected, too. I haven't always been extremely proud of some of my choices, but I choose to believe that for better or worse they have molded me into an ever better me. At 20, I was pretty self-absorbed. Nearing 50, I place most of my focus on so many others. My plan at 20 was to be married, own a home, have children, make the most money I could at whatever job I chose, and to grow old being healthy. I did those things, and I did them over and over. Although at 20 was only thinking about the next five years, I married, separated, reunited, bought a home, had a baby, got divorced, lost my job, managed to work enough to feed my child, sold the house, moved back to my hometown, got a real job again, bought another house, married the second time, had twins, quit my job to raise them, sold and bought another house, raise the first child through college, sold and bought another (dream) house, moved first child out of the house, and started working part-time again. Through all of that, many years have passed and many plans have been made, broken and rewritten, and so many times, my plans were changed for me. My Army husband was deployed twice, for a year each time, over the course of six years when the twins were young and my oldest was a teenager. There have been money surpluses and times when I wasn't sure from where the money was going to come. There have been physical health obstacles that seemed like mountains. All along I would alter my plans to push through the events.
Over the past 28 years, I have learned an important process to my plans. I have six priorities and my plans are simple. My priorities are God, Steve, me, my daughters, friends, and finances.
1. I have God given talents and it has taken many years to develop them, but most of my life to recognize them. Although many have believed that singing was my gift from God, I also believe that He has created in me good management and organization skills. I want to use them to benefit me, my family, and others. I never want to take those abilities for granted. I have taken some grief from family and friends over the years for my list making and planning, but I choose to believe that God wants me to continue to practice those skills for His greater plan somewhere in the future. Whatever I end up achieving in my life is to His glory and I plan to follow Him.
2. Steve is a great husband, father, and man. He loves his job and he is good at it. He is doing what he is called to do. He is my second priority because, if God allows it, I will be with this man until one of us dies. He is my best friend, and I am here to make his life better. We are a good team. He annoys me more than any other person, but I choose to see his best qualities. He appreciates me and my skills, and he encourages me. I can't imagine my life without him, so I plan to do what it takes to keep him around.
3. This is a shift of priorities for me...to put me in third place. I have come to realize that as I get older, I need to place some effort on myself. I need to lose some weight and focus on some health issues before it's too late to prevent them. I struggle with allowing me to dote on myself. I plan to spend more time on me. I am worth it. Besides, if I don't, I may not be here to serve the rest of my priorities.
4. This is the easiest one. I love all three of my daughters. I love doing things for them, spending time with them, teaching and guiding them to discover in themselves their own gifts and priorities. I will to continue to be there for them whenever I am needed. My current plan is to make specific dates with them, in order to devote time and attention directly to them, to hear them and know them. With our busy school and work schedules, this may be a bigger challenge than I realize.
5. I have become a true homebody in my older age. I suppose it comes from being home with kids for years, but now I just enjoy being home. I have always taken time for friends when the need arose, and I will continue. Over the past year, I have tried to plan more outings and events with friends. I plan to make more attempts to keep up with friends by means other than Facebook.
6. Finances are always an issue, no matter how much money you may have. After we moved to the country, prices shot up for food staples, gasoline, utilities, and so many other things. I found myself struggling to see where I was going to find the money. I decided I needed to do my part to help pay these bills. I took on a part-time job and I am making a dent, although it is small dent. If my plans work out, we will have all the unforeseen debts taken care of in nine months.
Ultimately, I think I have learned why I am here. I serve. I matter. I make a difference. I matter to God, to Steve, to my daughters, hopefully to my friends, and I even matter to me. I matter to the future plans that haven't been spoken yet. I am planning to be an even better person at 50. I have few true fears, but this one is real: if the past 28 years flew by that fast, how much faster will the next 28 years feel...
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